Chuck for Prez!

Recently, I discovered the joy of Chuck Norris jokes and, more recently, the ultimate motherlode of said jokes. So, I am taking it upon myself today to share with you some of my favorite quips about Mr. Walker Texas-Whatever:

• Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
• When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.
  
• Our universe is constantly expanding; it's all trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
  
• Time waits for no man. Except Chuck Norris.
  
• When Chuck Norris turns on the light, the roaches don't scatter. They vaporize.
  
• There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
  
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
• Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
• Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris's autobiography.
• If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
  
• Someone once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was Charles. This is recorded by historians as being the dumbest thing anyone has ever done.

I wonder how Chuck Norris feels about all this?