Sunday, June 22, 2008

I'm scared

Item the first: I'm playing football. For various reasons, I decided to join Prep's football team back in April-ish, and with spring training now officially over I've had a good-sized dose of high school athletics. And I don't know if I like it. First of all, coming in totally green as an incoming senior is very humbling--I know less of what's going on than most of last year's freshmen.
Secondly, as in most schools, football at Prep takes itself very seriously. It has already sucked up a lot of time and, come August, it's going to demand more. Much more.

This is where it gets scary. Come August, I will be a senior. I will have college applications to worry about; essays and paperwork up to my earlobes. Additionally, a big service project will be expected to be completed within the first semester. And, of course, homework; who knows how much. Tack on two hours of practice every afternoon, during which Coach will apparently condition our butts off (did I mention that football is serious business?). Uuum....yeah.

Here's the thing: I don't absolutely love playing football, at least not yet. In fact, sometimes I despise it. Sometimes it's not so bad, most notably the times when my dad is helping me with stuff and I don't feel like quite such a clueless loser (disclaimer, by the way: My teammates have actually been really gracious and helpful to me; my feelings about the sport aren't their fault). But I'm not at all sure that I have what it takes, to juggle serious athletic commitments with serious academic commitments. And I'm not sure I want to have what it takes; I'm not sure fighting that battle would be worth it.

I know some people do it. I know some people juggle an outrageous amount of stuff in high school. But I was never that type. And since this upcoming year is a rather pivotal one, I don't want to mess it up.

But then again: if I don't stick with the football team, I may miss out on some golden opportunities. For an artsy nerd like me to play football--and stick with it--would definitely be an experience. And I'd get a lot of physical discipline out of it, and maybe even a little athleticism that will last throughout my life. Finally, our team has a serious shot at going to state this year, and being a part of that would be quite a rush.

I dunno. Such are the woes and tribulations of a middle-class high-schooler. But I am honestly worried about this; I'm afraid I've bitten off more than I can chew and I'm starting to gag. Of course, with my personality I could definitely be making a mountain out of a mole hill. But I don't think I am, at least not much. In any event, if anyone reads this, I could use a few prayers. Nothing fancy, nothing intensive--I'm not getting chemo, I don't need Masses offered or anything. But maybe just a:

"Dear God, help James out. He's pretty confoozled. And if he needs to, help him to bite the bullet and get through fall in one piece. Amen."

Thanks, guys.